Despite my best efforts I've not shared more than a fraction of what I've written. Being concise is part of this, because it needs to be.
Thought it first, then got it on page, then edit later, but editing bogs down with organizing and continuity is flawed.
Sharing one tiny paragraph today, of interest to only relatives or those who knew my sister Pat. She needs to be around people; she was afraid of other people and it all had to do with worrys about being judged. She wouldn't go out of her condo on the fourth floor during the day because she would run into others living in the building. She claimed it was because she didn't want people posting things about her in the elevator. She stayed up all night and slept much of the day, even when I was taking care of her. Making breakfast couldn't get her up, no matter what I made. She liked watching TV all the time and wouldn't turn it off. She would get up to watch her soap opera most weekdays but not all. I found other things to do, finally, because she lived in an over-55 adult community, with lots of activities. My dear sister could have participated but she wouldn't. I tried to get her to an eye doctor for over two decades, but she wouldn't hear of it, becoming slowly blind until my last visit, she had to sit two feet away from an extra large TV to see.
I had my own cataract fixed to show her it was a simple 10 minute procedure, but she was too sure that her vision couldn't be improved. It was difficult to understand, since it also removed her ability to drive a car and she couldn't get a license. Her TV addiction allowed her to continue to be physically inactive, and eventually she couldn't even walk. In 2004 when we went to a niece's wedding she needed a walker and couldn't manage stairs. When I visited several years later she needed a rollator walker, which she pushed herself on, not being able to stand for more than a minute or two. That she couldn't see that her condo was a mess and all the spoiled food and piles of mail and clothing everwhere for her meant that she was living her life as she wanted to live it. I've been coming to visit for a few weeks ever since 2009 and cleaning up her mess, throwing out the piles of junk mail from over 60 charities she contributed to. She was charitable to others but not to herself. It really showed me how important it is to interact with other people, hear contradictory viewpoints (all she would listen to was Fox News, a soap opera, and old TV shows) and move one's body: use it or you lose it.
There is so much more I could write and I have written many times about it but it's too much to share here. It's painful thinking how she created, unknowingly, the problems that caused her to completely lose her most prized possession: her independence. I love my sister but I have learned from her mistakes, and puzzled out for myself our shared, previously perplexing contradictions due to our unchosen childhood programming. More later.
